i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
