I showed him my bush... on skype.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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