At least make sure they are 18
Why
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I skipped work to stalk him.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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