He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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