my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
