I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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