You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
