I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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