Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
