508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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