I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
