I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
