pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
