i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
