OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
