Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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