why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize