Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
