my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
