I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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