You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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