Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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