I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
