Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
