it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
