wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
