I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
