Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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