I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
