does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
