____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Randomize
