When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
