Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
