the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
ttyl tear gas
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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