She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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