you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
