that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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