we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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