Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
