it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
