Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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