How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
