she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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