i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you would pick up someone in the library
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
