Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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