god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
