Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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