He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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