According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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