btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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