I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
