I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
third nipple confirmed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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