You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
