The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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