There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
