dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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