Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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