I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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