You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
