My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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