every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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