I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well I just put wine in my tea
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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