Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
