He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
