i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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