69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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