can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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