Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
