i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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