she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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