dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
