i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They have beer where we have blood.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
