i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just had sex on a roof
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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